Food Rabbit

Happy Easter Folks!

Remember this post?

Here’s a little fella out for revenge

Why Birds are Evil

For some of my friends who might not yet be aware, I am afraid of hate don’t like birds. I have Ornithophobia.

I don’t care if they’re pretty and colorful. I don’t care if they’re an integral part of natural pollination. I don’t care if they sing. I don’t care if you think they’re cute.

Maybe its the beak, the filthy feathers, the reptillian feet (although I have no issues with lizards), the sharp claws, the alien expressionless eyes… the ugly greedy birdlings! The Avian flu! The avian ticks! The watery poo. Sucks to your chirping Php200.00 lovebirds!

Case #1 – Thanksgiving in San Fernando, Pampanga
A rabid turkey from hell that chases down a10-year-old girl in a red Batibot shirt. We have identified this turkey as a 30-pound bird, brown flared-up feathers, ugly red wrinkled face, red wattles (described by the victim as “the bird’s facial scrotum”) Said turkey can kick you with aforementioned reptillian feet and sharp talons that hurt and scar like hell. The victim’s identity shall be protected, as being a minor at the time of the incident. Let’s call her Waisty.

Case #2 – Totoy Resbak
This incident is evidence of their gangsta-like behavior. Pecking upon the white-stockinged feet of a certain midwifery student having lunch at an eatery beside her school, a juvenile chicken gets kicked to the curb. A few moments later, this juvenile returns with his ‘brotha’, a 40 pound turkey. Gobbles proceeded to terrorize said lady-in-white, amid the laughter of Juvenile Chicken and members of the student body.

Case # 3 – Just this Friday, 2010
Such behavior is not limited to turkeys . A stowaway lovebird, lemon yellow, 5 inches in height, was spotted to be stalking the gates of a young trainer’s home. Said lovebird perched upon the gate’s locking mechanism, as if attempting to trap the victim in. This is evidenced by the presence of acid bird poo on the padlock. Fortunately, the superhero named Lolo came to capture El Gorrion del Amor (aka Lovebird) The tiny villain battled hard with shrill shreaks and claw swipes and beak attacks. In the end, Lolo proved victorious with his hand grapple technique. The suspect is now under Lolo’s custody together with inmates Bonnie and Clyde.

I love my KFC. I love my omelettes. Case closed.

Stuff I Found Online: KnockKnock.biz

Awesomeness. This tickled the OC Bitch in me.

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Rabbit Food

(Nearly) True Story

 Easter Sunday Kiddie Event 2009

Robinson’s Place

 

Host: O sige, pag tama ang sagot mo, meron kang prize!

Bata1: Opo

Host: Anong paboritong kinakain ng rabbit?

Bata1: … … …

Host: Clue! Kakulay ng suot mo ngayon.

Bata1: … Orange!

Host: Umm…bigyan natin ng chance ang teammate mo. Ikaw, kuya, anong paboritong pagkain ng rabbit? (points at the orange-shirt kid)

Bata2: (mukhang stressed at nagbuntong-hininga) …Tao.

 

After Orange Kid, the next dessert course is Strawberry Shortcake! Yum!

Crush-Crush

Office crushes are fun!

A conversation in the office

Dirty Old Man: You remind me of women from the Fifties. When women were women. You know, like Rita Hayworth, Katharine Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe.

Me: Yeah, I’m old-fashioned… and I love those women, too. (evil grin)

D.O.M.: Whoah… wait! What did you say? You like women?

Me: I love women.

Skinny Office Geek:  (nodding) She does.

Me: I like the petite, curvy, messed-up kind. Especially if they’re pale-skinned and artistic. Complete opposite of my kind of men: dark, big, geeky and nice.

Office Ursula: Yup. That’s her, all right.

Start of my shift

Crush-crush: Hi! Lookin’ good!

Me: Ahehehe… thanks. Bye!

Crush-crush heads home.

A few hours after my shift

Crush-crush: Hey. You’re the last person from the office I ran into yesterday. Now you’re the first!

Me:  (dead tired, dizzy, leans towards Crush-crush)

Crush-crush: (beso)

Me: Tired!

Crush-crush: Yeah, go home. Bye!

Me: (kilig!)

Condoms and Tampons

Epic story of a Mother finding a suspicious tiny black cardboard box in the bathroom.

Ma: Eeeeek! Anak! what are your condoms doing in my bathroom?! (shoves the box into teenage son’s drawer)

Son: Ma! That’s not mine. That’s ate (older sister)’s tampons.

Ma: (scratches head) Oh… I thought…

Me: See, ma? Be glad that, at least,  he’s practicing safe sex.

Son: Correct! Now these are condoms. (brandishes a bigger shiny pink box) Made in Japan! They’re expensive, you know.

Ma: How did you…?

Son: Ate’s boyfriend gave them to me.

Me: Nice

Tanda

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Irony Meter: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Just change a few words and you’ll feel better

Hi folks,

This was forwarded to me just today.

 

Pissed?

Just change a few words and you’ll feel better:

 “A lot of people come up here and thank their DADDY for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than DADDY.  Suck it, DADDY, this is my DADDY now.”

 

So who’s your DADDY now?

Please forward to other DADDY believers.

 

 

 

 

Ah wait…pahabol..

 

As a CHILD I am offended by her hate speech. What do you think might have happened if she made that hate speech against MOMMY?

 

We are all brothers and sisters. Amen!