PATOK Part 1: It’s more fun riding a Jeepney…


…With Drunks and Mormons!

Working in the night shift comes with both its perks and dangers. I once took a ride with two drunks and four, maybe five, Mormon youths.

The first drunk guy sat right next to me. He reeked of alcohol, but nevertheless, he seemed subdued and held himself together throughout the trip. The guy in front of me was an entirely different story: he was falling asleep all over the place.

As for the young Mormons, around ages 18-19, were merely looking around and at each other, waiting for the right time to take off. For all we know they’re really called Leonardo, Donatello, Rafael and Michelangelo. They could have shown their superpowers and went “Teenage Jeepney Preaching Mormons! Teenage Jeepney Preaching Mormons! Teenage Jeepney Preaching Mormons! Heroes with the Necktie, Mormon Power!” But alas, they were the timid kind, probably thinking “What the hell is going on? I left Salt Lake City for this? Is this how I’m going to die, in a jeepney crash with a Filipino drunk slobbering all over me?”

My mind was on full alert:

Thought A: Mr.MegaDrunk could fall upon me.

Thought B: Mr.MegaDrunk could throw up on me or the Mormon Youths.

Thought C: He’s faking it and I’m about to get mugged.

Thought D: Mr. SemiDrunk is in on the mugging modus operandi.

I would have taken off right away but the two drunken men were nearer towards the jeep entrance. The driver pulled over and the jeep conductor tried to extract MegaDrunk from the vehicle. The guy was too drunk and too buff for the scrawny conductor. We pulled over at the police checkpoint near Junction. MegaDrunk cooperated with the cops.

Mr.SemiDrunk was just looking at the other guy and maybe smirking “Can’t hold your liquor, man?”

I got to work unscathed. … And so did the Mormons.

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