For some of my friends who might not yet be aware, I am afraid of hate don’t like birds. I have Ornithophobia.
I don’t care if they’re pretty and colorful. I don’t care if they’re an integral part of natural pollination. I don’t care if they sing. I don’t care if you think they’re cute.
Maybe its the beak, the filthy feathers, the reptillian feet (although I have no issues with lizards), the sharp claws, the alien expressionless eyes… the ugly greedy birdlings! The Avian flu! The avian ticks! The watery poo. Sucks to your chirping Php200.00 lovebirds!
Case #1 – Thanksgiving in San Fernando, Pampanga
A rabid turkey from hell that chases down a10-year-old girl in a red Batibot shirt. We have identified this turkey as a 30-pound bird, brown flared-up feathers, ugly red wrinkled face, red wattles (described by the victim as “the bird’s facial scrotum”) Said turkey can kick you with aforementioned reptillian feet and sharp talons that hurt and scar like hell. The victim’s identity shall be protected, as being a minor at the time of the incident. Let’s call her Waisty.
Case #2 – Totoy Resbak
This incident is evidence of their gangsta-like behavior. Pecking upon the white-stockinged feet of a certain midwifery student having lunch at an eatery beside her school, a juvenile chicken gets kicked to the curb. A few moments later, this juvenile returns with his ‘brotha’, a 40 pound turkey. Gobbles proceeded to terrorize said lady-in-white, amid the laughter of Juvenile Chicken and members of the student body.
Case # 3 – Just this Friday, 2010
Such behavior is not limited to turkeys . A stowaway lovebird, lemon yellow, 5 inches in height, was spotted to be stalking the gates of a young trainer’s home. Said lovebird perched upon the gate’s locking mechanism, as if attempting to trap the victim in. This is evidenced by the presence of acid bird poo on the padlock. Fortunately, the superhero named Lolo came to capture El Gorrion del Amor (aka Lovebird) The tiny villain battled hard with shrill shreaks and claw swipes and beak attacks. In the end, Lolo proved victorious with his hand grapple technique. The suspect is now under Lolo’s custody together with inmates Bonnie and Clyde.
I love my KFC. I love my omelettes. Case closed.